Having Trouble Sleeping?

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it is called, ‘present’”
A turtle in ‘Kungfu Panda’. Yes, a very smart and wise turtle.

I am not trying to be a psychologist or a psychoanalyst. I am also not a doctor, so I can’t analyze a problem relating to health by clinical studies. Neither am I a professor nor a priest, who can give new insights on problems or pull up a matching Bible verse from the back of his/her head. I even got the verses below from Twitter – I wouldn’t stand a chance if I have to look it up in the paper version of the Bible myself. To put in the Aaron Neville and Linda Ronstadt way, I don’t know much really. I can only analyze based on what I have experienced, based on what I think it is, which may be more delirious then clinical but hey... perhaps, just perhaps, one or two points hit the spot!

So, why are you having trouble sleeping lately?

One more thing: I am going to skip all scientific explanations. It is the more subtle things that I would like to share here, being anonymous and all.

I had the same problems before, I really did. And that time was the worst to have this problem because I was a business traveler who has very limited time to sleep. Efficiency is everything. If you slam yourself into a foreign bed in a foreign room in a foreign country (not with a foreign lady!), then you are expected to sleep in 10 minutes because in the next 4 hours you need to get up, get dressed, take a bath, and line up for the next flight. George Clooney’s “Up In The Air” is a perfect depiction of that. But my insomnia is actually not caused by that, it is caused by several issues altogether. Some even I didn’t know that it plays a role. But I can say I can manage it quite well know. I will share, how did I do it.

1. Do nothing!
The number one problem for active people like us in getting to sleep, is that it involves doing the only one thing that we super-people can’t do: nothing. Yes, nothing! I am a very active people. I don’t like to sit around doing nothing. In any occasion, if the is a help needed, I am the first one to get up and help – whether that means washing the dishes or carrying chairs. Especially if I am facing a problem. I will not stand, sit, and cry. I don’t even pray sometimes. I fight. I try to find a way to get around, push, or tackle the problem with my bare hands if necessary. Ironically, this attitude works well in almost all of the aspects of daily life, except if you’re trying to sleep! Look at those lazy people around you: beggars, street singers, they all sleep very well, don’t they? The key to sleep is to do nothing about it. To calm our mind and hearts and let them rest.

This is where it gets complicated. If I lay in my bed and I can’t sleep, I start various methods to force myself to sleep. I try praying, reading, watching boring TV shows, counting sheep and different kinds of animals. I don’t want to seek help from the Angel Valium (Valium is a sleeping pill), because as I chemist I know the side effects are dangerous. I also don’t want to use alcohol too much. So my alternatives are not many and not instant. Take note: not instant. That is the problem! I want it instant: take a pill, snooze. Drink this, snooze. That doesn’t work. There is no such thing as an instant sleep. You need to relax your mind and body and soul. And that takes time.

So what I did, I imagine my body is gripped tight by gigantic roots of an evil man-eating plant, just like in the movie ‘Jumanji’. Then I imagine the grip is loosened one by one. This problem, that problem, away. I stop thinking of a strategy to loosen myself from the grip, instead I imagine the grips are loosened by itself. Until I lay there, free. Then I hushed my mind: I imagine there is a big convention in my head, where many people meet to discuss problems that I have. Then I imagine myself, leading the assembly, knocking the table with a hammer as loud as possible just like in a court room, shouting “Order! Order! We are trying to sleep, so nobody says anything in the next 20 minutes!”. Hush. As soon as a person stands up and say, “What are we going to say when we meet Mr. X tomorrow?” or, “How are we going to solve this claim?”, the hammer is slammed again. “Silence!”. Before 20 minutes, if there is no effect from caffeine, the head falls to sleep.

Verse:
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me”
Philippians 4:13
Yes, because I have to imagine the roots are untangling by themselves – which means Jesus is the One who acts, not me. I don’t try to cut them off or try different knots to escape like Harry Houdini. It is Jesus Christ, His strength, which will strengthen me and let me out. I have to do... nothing!

2. Be honest to yourself. It’s OK!
The next problem when you hush your mind, when the loud-speaking members of the assembly stop shouting, is that you start hearing the subtle noise. Those people lurking in the dark corners of the assembly, whispering about your deepest problems, disappointments, pains, and other things that we normally do not hear anymore. It’s the background noise of our mind. Because the assembly is so quiet, these subtle noises start to become louder and louder. And, this will wake us up, and probably make us cry. It’s worse than the loud-speaking members, because it exposes the deep end of our mind that we normally hide or do not want to see.

What to do then? Solve everything? Check the pains and disappointments one by one? No, not tonight. You can’t – I can’t. I know these are noises that will probably linger on forever. So, what to do then? Accept it. Be honest. It’s OK. Give everything to God. Yes, the problem from the first chapter still persists: being an active person, we always HAVE TO DO SOMETHING to solve these issues. No, leave it all to Jesus. But, acknowledge it. Accept that they exist, that a human life can never be perfect, that people – even I – make mistakes.

I had an interesting discussion about this a while ago. We were discussing about being a Christian and a businessman. Well, business is business, you know. Just be honest, you can’t be a saint and a salesman at the same time. So my point of view is that God will accept that. God allows us to do all this hanky-panky so that we can pay back to the church and support religious activities. Of course God understands that I need money to survive and live, right? But my senior colleague reprimanded me. “No!” he exclaimed. He is far from sainthood, by the way. “You cannot stretch Christianity to accommodate hanky-panky !” he said. “Just admit it! Just say yes my Lord, I did wrong, and I am sorry for my sins. Just admit you’re a sinner! Jesus will forgive you. Don’t try to find justification for your sins – just admit and acknowledge it!”. I was surprised. He’s right!

Accepting is also difficult. It is not a solution. But saying to yourself that it’s OK to be wrong, it’s OK to make mistakes, it is completely fine to unintentionally hurt other people, help all the time. You have to pity yourself a bit – you have been very successful in pushing yourself up high, crank-it-up when it breaks down, cross every limit that can’t be crossed before, and managed to be a very, very successful self. But hey, you deserve some compliments. You deserve some inspiring words. Your body, your mind, who has served you very well all these years, deserves a pat in the back. Say to yourself: “Way to go, me! You did great today! Don’t worry about the problems and pains. Tomorrow we fight again, but today was a gruueeeaaat dhey!”. Your body and mind will accept it well, and, fall to slumber.

Verse:
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”
Matthew 11:28
See? Jesus knows exactly what our problems are. He didn’t say go to hell all you sinners. He didn’t say you have done wrong, you mongrels. He said, come unto me! I know you labor hard and heavily laden. Come unto me, and I give you rest! Rest, not punishment, judgment, or trial. Rest! Just what you need.

3. Dun worry, be happy, for today
I worry a lot. It is amazing to notice that people who have more, worries more. Be that talents, money, possessions, those who have more always worry more. I am blessed with a lot of talents, I have quite a lot of things. So I worry a lot. What if I fail? What if this doesn’t work? What if this or that turns into that and that?

Worrying is my worst habit. Ironic, but true. When I took an examination at school, although I got constantly A’s and B’s before, I was the one who was worried the most in comparison with the C’s and D’s club. The same at work: when my boss called me to give me a promotion, I thought he was firing me! This is a weakness in me that I have to fight every now and again. Although, when you think of it, it is such an unthankful act that I even worry about myself. God has blessed me with so much, yet I am still worried about everything. Meat is meat, as somewhere written in the Bible. And I am meat, so I have to accept that I need to fight again and again not to worry.

But the point here is not only about worrying. It’s about the dosage. Jesus understands that human beings are always worried. But it is also important how MUCH you are actually worried. I once heard a great interview with Bob Sadino, a person who used to be very poor, but now is one of the richest man in Indonesia. When he was asked, what was his greatest success? He replied, “When I was working as a coolie in a building project. My greatest success was when at that time I collected enough money buy a plate of rice to share for me and my wife. That was my greatest success“ he said firmly. See? Working as a coolie, he had a daily income. So he worries only about one day. The next is a different matter – and so he sleeps well.

We, on the other hand, have monthly, bi-monthly, and yearly income. We even have annuities or interest for multiple years. So we worry about everything multiplied by the time: monthly, yearly, decades. We have lost the ability to think day-by-day. If all the worries are piled up to one single day, it will be a burden too heavy to bear for our mind. So, I couldn’t sleep, thinking about the minuscule percentage of my annuity. This we have to avoid by having a healthy dose of worry: once per day. Do not worry further than what has happened today. Keep tomorrow at bay, because tomorrow is tomorrow’s pill. Have you done all you can today? Yes. Then, be cool! What will be, will be!

“Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof”
Matthew 6:31
See? It is not about whether you worry or not, it is how MUCH you worry. Jesus does not demand us to meditate for 40 days sitting in a bed of nails to flush all those worries – that wouldn’t be practical and would be quite painful. He just wants us to worry enough – with the right dose.

That’s it for now... hope it helps, for readers who have this problem... GBU all!