On Being 33

“I’m 33 at the moment,

I’m still a man, but you see I’m a they

Kid on the way, babe, a family on my mind…”

‘100 years’ by Five for Fighting

Well, yes, fellas, I officially turn 33 today.

If I think about it, 33 ain’t so bad. And for me becoming 33, it ain’t so bad either. I think I have achieved, thanks to the blessings of the the Lord, more things than most 33-year-olds can achieve.

This year, for example, I have made a step in my career to move into a new position abroad. This brings me out from good old Indonesia, at least officially, to the ever-progressing China. I moved from the sleepy Jakarta suburb by the name of LIPPO Cikarang to a busy suburb of Shanghai, a city called Kunshan. I have established my position in the organization, fought through a painful merger process, and finally decided to start a brand new department, dealing with tissue. From my humble beginnings in oversized working clothes blotted with oil stains and polyurethane splashes in the sleepy town of Karawang, I have turned into an indonesian expatriate (not many of us around) showing up everyday with a suit and a tie in a high-tech office near Shanghai. I talk, discuss, and debate with much older foreigners from a much more advanced countries, in 2 different languages. Sometimes I show myself as a selfish kid who wants to change the world, with baldening hair and a double chin. Short, talks too much, with a loud voice, always seems angry and intimidating when I state my opinion, although really, I am not. That’s just the way it is, if I feel the fire about something. Not bad, for a 33 year old.

From the traveling world, I still kept my promise to visit 2 new islands or provinces every year in Indonesia. This year has brought me to see the city of Balikpapan and Tenggarong in Borneo, my first venture to this island (second, if you count my transit from Manado to Jakarta 2 years ago). I saw Balikpapan’s beautiful moon bear reserve and strange ‘orange durian’ fruit. The second opportunity was Lampung, with a wonderful jungle adventure trip in Way Kambas. I traveled to Japan, the wonderful city of Matsuyama, dipped my bare body in the oldest hot bath in the country. I traveled to South Korea, visiting the serene temple of Daeheung-sa. The crown jewel was of course a visit to the Taj Mahal in Agra, India, which changed my whole perspective on love. New year’s eve was in Singapore, watching the beautiful firecracker show in the Esplanade. Not bad, for the 33^rd year of one’s life.

In the hobby world, some achievements have also been made. I wrote several articles to the Jakarta Post after seeing many interesting concerts. One of them was a performance by the Nusantara Symphony Orchestra in Balai Sarbini, Jakarta. One article was also published about my journey through the jungle in Lampung. I continuously write for Jalansutra mailing list, travel reviews of India and Japan, which both receive very warm respond from the forum. After moving to China, I write quite a lot of christian articles, each one replaces every missed visit to the church (either if I am in China or if I wake up too late in Jakarta). All in all, quite well, for a 33 year old while busy traveling the world and working abroad.

From the financial side, it has also been not so bad, although there are still challenges for the future. My house is completely paid for this year, which I learned about after the bank rejected my installment for the mortgage (What was the problem? Why was the transfer rejected? Hello? Oh, all paid for? No more mortgage payment? I tell ya, it takes some getting use to not paying anything after all these years of mortgage installments). Then I applied for a business mortgage, renew the machines of my laundry, refurbished the whole house/laundry, making part of my dream ‘to live in a house that looks and feels just like a room at the JW Marriott Hotel Surabaya’ partly come true (32 inch flat TV, yes, air conditioning, yes, carpet and sofa, naaaah). The laundry is now gearing up to pay the mortgage, still struggling with manpower and low orders. We’ll manage. Not bad, for a 33 year old businessman wannabe.

But still, I am not happy. I know God has blessed me with all these, and I am sure he is smiling now at me, looking down on me, sitting in my room in Tomang, writing on my laptop. Do you want to know, what I think he’s saying? “OK now boy, watcha gonna do?”. That’s that.

Yes, when you’re young, and by ‘young’ I can still gladly say, in the 20-s, the world belongs to you. You have nothing, zero, and can only progress to positive, even with the slightest progress. So, you have nothing to loose! You think you can do something, and you do it. And for someone like me, I think I can do everything. I dare to try, that’s my philosophy. Managing position? Why not! Washing other people’s underwear to earn money? Hell, I can do that! Writing as a part-time journalist? Oh yeah, bring it on. Writing a travel journal? That’s a piece of cake! Have your own business? Come to papa!

So here I am, a most-of-the-time expatriate manager, part-time laundry owner, part-time journalist, part-time travel writer, part-time business owner. All in parts, nothing in wholes!

And when I get to know that Pramoedya Ananta Toer dedicated all of his life to writing, even without pen and paper; that Warren Buffet dedicated his life to investing, even without an inheritance; that Bill Gates dedicated his life to software, even without a degree in computing; I blushed. Here I am, a 33 year old, achieving partly of everything and being really good at nothing. Not good, not good at all.

I remembered in my high school days, when I was in the same situation. I tried to play organ, learn karate, study, and became active in student’s organizations, until I get sick of all of them. Then, I met a bunch of friends who were doing nothing but playing all day, from house to house, from one video game to another. Then I told my mom and dad, that I want to stop trying so hard. I want to relax now, afterall, highschool years come only once in life. I just want to enjoy life, hang with my friends, have fun. I warned them that my performance at school was probably going to slightly slip from the usual no. 8^th or 9^th. They said, yes, by all means, do it. And I did it. And you know what? My performance was not worse, it was better! My rank was lifted up to 3^rd, 2^nd, even 1^st at times. I excelled far better then I was before, until I was eligible for the best Technical Institute in the country (that was when all the fun stop, though). Anyway, I felt ‘the call of nature’ back then to relax, and just do what I enjoy the most, forget trying to be best at everything, just be excellent at one thing. And I did. And I was.

Now, I am feeling this ‘call of nature’ again. I think, I have to do something. I have to forget trying to be best at everything, and seek out within myself, what I want to do the most. Is it becoming a professional manager with suits and ties? Or an enterpreneur with laundry uniform? Or a writer and a journalist? I believe I have the talents from God to do these things. That’s why, even with so little time invested, I still get good responses. But without focus, it’s nothing. It’s just occasional blogs, without a book, occasional articles, without front-page, occasional manager, without the board. So I have to be serious now, because like high school times, 30-s also only happens once in life. Once I screw up here, I’d be too old for everything, too late for anything, and it’ll be too long to achieve something. I have to stop, tell myself to relax, and do the things I like to do the most, and focus on it. Then, I’d become someone.

What do I want to achieve anyway? An interesting comment came from one of my closest friends. When I told her about my achievements in business life, with salaries, status, and management levels, she smiled. “That’s not what you’re looking for, isn’t it? You are aiming for something else, aren’t you?”. Yes. She is right. I don’t think I want to be remembered as a manager who successfully manage a division until retirement. I don’t think I want to be remembered as a businessman who marvels in cheating banks into giving credits that made me a millionaire. Perhaps, I don’t even want to be a millionaire. What do I want to be then?

I remember back in my university, I was queuing for a payphone in the library (yes, if you turn 33 years old today, you’d remember the day). There was a much older person queuing in front of me, with a simple coat and an old, ugly leather bag. I thought he looked like a postman. But when he picked up the phone and started to talk, I was surprised. He spoke with a very fluent american english, starting with, “Hello, this is Professor Joko. May I speak to…”. My God. When I told this story to my dad, he wisely said, “Son, that man needs no Rolex watch or Louis Vuitton bag to make other people respect him. People respect him for what he is”. Wow. Cool. That, I want to be.

So I guess I’d have to tell my parents, that I am not going to be a millionaire. Maybe not even a rich director of a company. Or at least, I am not going to invest so much time, effort, energy, thoughts, talents, brainpower, attitude, earnest work, willpower, and prayers, to become one. But I will invest all of those to become noble. To be the first indonesian to win a noble prize, either peace or literature (hell, maybe chemistry!). To be remembered as a person, blessed with talents, having a one-track-mind to achieve a single goal, using all of his effort, to be… well… remembered. To leave a mark for the society. To stand for Indonesia. If I’d end up as a millionaire, that’s fine of course. But I won’t spend so much time for money. I want to spend more time for a cause.

That’s that. Happy 33th birthday, Harry Hardianto Nazarudin. May your dreams, come true.

And, yes. Getting married. I know. It’s already late. You’re starting to sound like my parents…..

Tomang, February 12, 2010