Longing for an Imperfect Life

“Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou salt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me. But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possesions.”
Matthew 19:21-22

A good friend of mine has a unique life story. I admire him a lot because of the decisions he made - the ones that changed his life. He was a long-time bachelor - up to late forties, he was still living single. Of course, with not so many family-related expenses, he had a good life. Moreover, he is a brilliant manager, and has started his career very early in age. As a result, by mid thirties, he already held a high managerial position in his company. Life was good for him - cars and housings provided by the company, with driver, secretaries, and dedicated office boys. He spent many nights entertaining customer on a management’s budget - those who work in business must know what I am talking about! His smart brain really pushed him to the top - but he was alone at the top.

Then, he made a daring decision to get married in his late forties age. Coincidentally, he had to give up his glorious career. He had a disagreement with one of the company owners, so he decided to quit. All of a sudden, he lost almost all of his priviledges - no more luxury company cars, no driver, not even an office boy - he even had to use everything he got to buy a small house in the suburb. Now he has a small business, giving mediocre returns. They’re fine, but nothing compared to what he had before. You can say he’s at rock bottom - but not alone, for now he has his wife with him!

In all wordly measures, my friend is a born loser. But not in Godly term, because he is happier now, looks much younger, and is much more healthy. No more late-night entertainments, no more greasy business dinners - meals are cooked at home, cheaper by the dozen. It looks sad, but he seems to be very happy - he feels to be more of a human than before. I remembered when I visited him about a week after his marriage. He was watering his small garden in his house. “You know what” he said, “in forty something years of my life, this is the first time that I water my garden like this!”. It was not meant as a complaint - his cheerful face clearly defied that.

The marriage itself was not easy. Being alone for a very long time, he had many disagreement with his wife. From difficulties to get a ‘passport’ out of the house, until the very different hobbies that they have. He likes adventures, singing in karaokes, and watching highly-qualified movies. His wife doesn’t sing, likes to stay at home, and loves sinetrons. Sometimes they bump into each other, and he complains a bit about that. But his conclusion is always firm: no matter what, it is better to be with somebody, better than being alone.

My friend was perfect when he was a bachelor. So do many bachelors and bachelorettes out there: they tend to be ‘perfect’. In fact, you can only have a perfect life if you are alone. No financial problems, always sufficient, no fights with anyone. Single and singular - perfect! Unfortunately, life needs to be imperfect. Just look at my friend: he was perfect before, but he was longing for something imperfect: someone to fight with, someone who would complain if he comes home too late, someone who - well - always remind him that he’s not perfect. Even if this imperfection means not only to have somebody, but also to lost all his previous glory, he still sees it as worth while.

What is the utmost example of imperfection in life? Children. Another friend of mine was married in an early age but had no children for a long time. He too, was a perfectionist - until his first born. Children are perfect example of imperfection: they cry in the middle of the night, they poop while eating, they are always naughty, and trying to control them is futile. One wonders, why bother having them at all? Again, it is the sweet imperfection. The greatest joy of raising a child is to see him/her obey you once after the 100th time you told him/her to do something. To see that there is compliance afterall - made it worth while to repeat the lesson 100 times more.

So, for you guys and gals out there who are still looking for ‘the one’, stop looking for perfection. Also for those who feels that their spouses are not perfect - bingo! It is not the perfection, it is indeed the imperfections that matters in life. Life is, and tends to be, imperfect. That’s why when a perfect man asked Jesus what he should do more to be perfect, His answer was highly unexpected. “If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor”. In short: forget your perfection and embrace imperfection. For having an imperfect live means that you are not in control. But God is, and that’s the way He wanted it to be.

For my dear family, friend and mentor IW, who has started to find imperfection.